Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores. But of course! In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. Makes one shudder at the thought. In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?
In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.
Not as great as Guam! Banging your head against a wall uses calories an hour. Who volunteers for this stuff? Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. Is that why Flipper was always smiling? The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. From drinking little bottles of? Butterflies taste with their feet. Ah, geez An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain. I know some people like that. Starfish don't have brains. I know some people like that too And, the best for last Turtles can breathe through their butts.
Do you think they have bad breath? The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that! The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times.
You gotta let your rose buds show! The next day the teenager comes down stairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate The grandmother says, "Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rose buds, then I can display my hanging baskets. A very clever group Click the link and it will load up a html page for you.
A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean and serve the deer meat for supper. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is, so he doesn't tell them. His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for supper dad?
They start eating supper and his daughter keeps asking him what they are eating. It's what your mother sometimes calls me.
During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there. Well, sir," is the reply, "as you know, there are men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have That's why we have the camel,sir. Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has sex with the camel. When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?
Paddy says" why did you throw that away,it was full of money? Thought I was being boring. A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night she told her husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still pure. Husband 2, was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he would look into it and get back to me. Husband 3, was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband 4, was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband 5, was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband 6, was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure if it was his job or not. Husband 7, was in marketing; although he had a product he was never sure how to position it.
Husband 8, was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it. Husband 9, was a gynaecologist; all he did was look at it. Husband 10, was a stamp collector; all he ever did was lick it!
God, I miss him. But now that I've married you, I'm so excited. Q whats white and sticky and hangs from power poles? Originally posted by fernockulated Q whats white and sticky and hangs from power poles? Pay close attention as we have to update the choices often as new and unusual circumstances arise. Please select one of the following options:" To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem you created for yourself, press 1.
To postulate whether someone has to die before we'll do something about a problem, press 2. To report an officer for bad manners when in reality the officer is trying to keep your neighbourhood safe, press 3. If you would like us to raise your children, press 4. If you would like us to take control of your life due to your alcohol or chemical dependency, press 5.
If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years for you to deteriorate, press 6. To sue us, tell us you pay our salary and will have our badge, or to proclaim our career is over, press 8. Please note, your call may be monitored to assure proper customer support, and remember, we're here to save your ass, not kiss it. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
OK in Texas 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. Aren't you the guy from the Village People? Hey, you must've been doin' about mph to keep up with me. Good job! Are You Andy or Barney? I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be and police officer. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? I pay your salary! Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are. When the Officer says "Gee Son Your eyes look red, have you been drinking? A skid marks before the cane toad :roll: :wink:. Jones, at your cervix. Call your plumber.. Can we pick your nose? We want tows. Dog food is expensive. We hear you coming. However, if you don't, you will be.
We'll wait. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching. A room temperature IQ. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
A gross ignoramus -- times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on. A prime candidate for natural de-selection. Bright as Alaska in December. One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.
Donated his body to science before he was done using it. Fell out of the family tree. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
He's so dense, light bends around him. If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,, other sperm. One neuron short of a synapse. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled. Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby. Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead. And i even know a few military types that fit into some of those descriptions :twisted:.
I went to work the other day, and got onto my inspectors computer. I opened word and changed his auto correct So there i sat waiting for my phone to ring, i picked up and on the other end was the inspector, "Mick , could you come in here for a sec please", i walk in and here he is with a document for a press release on screen, look mick , look whats happened to my computer. ANyone seen my doughnut mick. We are okay.
Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happened.
Oh yes, please call Chad's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found Chad in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Don got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up?
The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. David is going to look weird until his hair grows back. We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Don gets the car fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked okay when we left.
Scoutmaster Don said that with a car that old you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance. We think it's a neat car. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the fenders. It gets pretty hot with 10 people in a car. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrol man stopped and talked to us. Scoutmaster Don is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver.
In fact, he is teaching Terry how to drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks. This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake.
Scoutmaster Don wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Chad was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake.
It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. Scoutmaster Don isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the car so we are trying not to cause him any trouble. Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Dave dived into the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a Tourniquet works.
Wade and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Don said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?
I have to go now. We are going to town to mail our letters and buy Vaseline. Don't worry about anything we are fine. A blind man enters a women's bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke? In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things: One, the bartender is a blonde girl.
Two, the bouncer is a blonde female. Three, I am a 6-foot tall, pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. Four, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional wrestler. And five, the lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional weight lifter.
Now think about it very carefully, mister. Do you still want to tell that joke? Those Lovely Farmer's Daughters A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates.
The first beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready? The second beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go? If you wake up one day and this is the first thing you see.
The Politically Correct Battlefield They're not our enemy; they're our socio-political compliment. We don't damage their aircraft; we make unauthorized in-flight modifications. We don't spy; we deal in unreleased information. They're not casualties; they're inoperative battle units. We don't have scouts; we have unauthorized observers. We don't miss; we fail to effectively engage the target. We don't waste missiles; we run a non-cost-effective equipment exchange.
We don't attack; we aggressively move into pre-occupied territory. We don't retreat; we reconsolidate at a previously held position. We don't waste money, we fail to effectively utilize funding. We're not at war; we're sanctioning with extreme prejudice. Proudly showing off his newly leased downtown apartment to a couple of friends late one night the drunk yuppie led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. Issss a talking clock" the drunk replied.
He picked up a hammer, gave it an ear-shattering pound and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment in silence. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed Bruce and Tom were a couple of drinking buddies, who worked as aeroplane mechanics in Melbourne.
One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bruce said,"Man I wish we had something to drink".
Tom said, "Me too. You know I have heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You want to try it? The next morning Bruce wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels great. No hangovers! No bad side effects. Then the phone rings Tom says "Hey, how do you feel this morning? You don't have a hang over? No hangovers - nothing. We ought to do this more often. When Men Lie One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying? The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. The woodcutter replied, "No. Again, the woodcutter replied, "No.
The woodcutter replied, "Yes. Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying? The Lord was furious. That is an untruth! It is amisunderstanding. Then if I also said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years.
As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him up on a chair.
While tying the girl up to the bed, he goes on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes, He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck, If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction.
This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought that you were cute, and asked if we kept Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong honey I love you too. For his birthday Little Patrick asked for a new scooter. There's no way we can afford it.
So he asked, "Son, where are you going? Then I heard mum tell you to wait because she was coming too. One stone!! This was his Indian name because he had only one testicle. After years and years of this torment Onestone cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them! My comments were inappropriate. They were inexcusable, and just downright stupid. And I want to make it clear; there was absolutely no intention to promote physical or sexual violence.
WMMS supports the gay community and again, we deeply apologize. This is a complicated issue and we have to cope with conflicting data. For instance, Section 6. In during the Islamization of Pajajaran the king did not want to become Muslim and left Pakuan, near the present-day Bogor, with his followers.
How do we interpret these data? In this chapter I want to discuss some methodological issues, to find answers to questions, based on the available ethnographic data. It concerns the validity and reliability of the data. Validity has to do with the operationalization process: from theoretical concept to empirical measurement.
An observation or measurement is reliable if it will show the same result when we repeat it, using the same instrument and procedure. A reliable observation is not necessarily also valid: we could be seeing or measuring something that is irrelevant according to our theoretical framework or the models of the researched people.
This last issue is also very relevant for the audio-visual examples that I will present with this book: what can be published? The above mentioned complicated issue about religion and origin is a warning not to draw easy conclusions on the basis of our ethnographic data.
However, it is a shortcoming not to add to this that in practice the Baduy sing susualan for entertainment, as shown in Chapter 7. This all seems obvious, but unfortunately quite a few publications on the Baduy suffer from these shortcomings. In facing new situations Baduy balance between the given rules of the ancestors and the benefits of new developments.
For instance, Pusponegoro and Arbay : 30 give the example of an Inner Baduy woman in Cikartawana who was expected to experience a difficult delivery of her child. For saving her life she could be transported to the nearest hospital in Rangkasbitung by ambulance in a three-hour drive. However, Inner Baduy men and women are not allowed to travel by car. The solution reached by the spiritual leaders was that the woman would wear Outer Baduy clothes when travelling by ambulance and in the hospital premises: Outer Baduy are allowed to travel by car and train.
After delivery she would undergo the punishment for violating the ancestral rules before she and her child could be accepted again by the community of Cikartawana. Section 3. The following section will treat the periods of my fieldwork between and The last section in this chapter 3. In the Old Sundanese manuscripts of several centuries ago, some Baduy and Sundanese performing arts and musical instruments have been mentioned, although there is little or no additional explanation.
Further the pantun stories are a source of information about performing arts and musical instruments of the past. Also the performances of wayang stories and the recitation of pantun stories are mentioned in the old manuscripts. Only the pantun stories are still performed by the Baduy; they never had wayang theatre.
The Old Sundanese manuscripts mention tatabeuhan and this indicates instrumental music or musical instruments. Of these instruments the drums and shawms are not included in present-day Baduy gamelan. Presumably ngadu lesung is producing rhythmic patterns while pounding rice with several women, similar to the ngadu angklung literally: to compete with angklung instruments; Van Zanten : See further Atja and Saleh Danasasmita a : 4, 66; b : 14, 39—40 , Van Zanten : 13—21 and Herdini : — Compare also Jacobs and Meijer : 25—26, 64—65 who describe what Baduy children do in their plays is imitating the activities of grown-ups nabootsende spelen.
See also Figures 24 and Boy carrying a piece of wood from the place where a house is broken down and rebuilt. Kaduketug 1, near house secular village head, 21 July Drawings of several types of cars and other objects in the soil between houses in hamlet Cijangkar, presumably drawn by Baduy children, 2 June Children also make drawings in the sand: see Figure 25 that mostly show cars; some other drawings I photographed in June show pictures of living beings.
Fire, fire! Also grown-ups play games. This manuscript also mentions the honghong and gobong that I did not find with the Baduy. I have no idea what a gobong might be. Kunst mentions that this single-pipe instrument was used by the drivers when stag-hunting in the Caringin district of Pandeglang.
The double-piped hatong sekaran and the three-piped hatong pan g ajak , kinds of a Pan-pipe hatong , were used by the hunters themselves. In current practice both of these xylophones, with wooden and with bamboo keys, are used by the Outer Baduy see Section 8. Van Tricht : opposite p. However, this is clearly not a kacapi , but the two-string bowed lute rendo. These mistakes have a long life. Pleyte : 26—7 describes the kacapi that is used for accompanying the recitation of pantun stories.
He published many more texts of pantun stories from other parts of West Java that are also recited by the Baduy in their own version see Section 6. There are several later works on the texts of the Sundanese pantun stories, for instance by Eringa , Ajip Rosidi and Kartini and others See further Chapter 6 about the pantun stories in this book.
The pantun stories are a useful source for information on performing arts; see for instruments mentioned in the pantun stories, for instance, Van Zanten : 82— Later, in the s and early s, Suryabrata recorded other Baduy music, presumably also in the rri studio in Jakarta.
In the s, I heard recordings of the kacapi player Yanci Figure 44 , Illustration 1 in Van Zanten a: at the home of the late Enoch Atmadibrata — Furthermore, the late Atik Soepandi — also told me that he possessed recordings of Baduy music. Further, there are the already mentioned audio recordings of pantun stories by Ajip Rosidi from the s.
Those recordings still need to be listed, digitalized and kept safely in a public library or some other public institution. See further Section 6. A first overview of Baduy music, mainly based on earlier literature, was written by Suryadi Some more information on Baduy music, especially on angklung , may be found in Baier : 10—11; : iv : 13, v : Atik Soepandi wrote a short article on bamboo instruments of the Baduy Soepandi a. In my book on Tembang Sunda Cianjuran Van Zanten , a kind of music that is not found with the Baduy, I nevertheless present some details about Baduy music.
A few years later this was followed by an article entirely devoted to Baduy music, based on short periods of fieldwork in , , and Van Zanten As such the Baduy are not very different from other communities. For the Baduy there are fundamental issues at stake. Several times I, and others, have heard the remark that knowledge learned in formal schools is not very useful for their way of living, as it makes children clever in cheating others see also Bakels : 40; Erwinantu : There it is passed on from generation to generation.
When the question is about something the Baduy do not want to discuss, it is mostly ignored and not answered, as they are not allowed to lie. Names of hamlets and hills may also change, in particular when a hamlet is rebuilt after a big fire destroying many houses.
A hamlet may also have a ritual name, according to its function in rituals. See further Section 3. Another name is used to avoid sacrilege by saying things that should not be expressed. Pleyte : 13—14 mentions some other names for Batara Tunggal, the highest god: Guriang Yang Tunggal. Batara Guru is another manifestation of Batara Tunggal and for this name the Sundanese pantun storyteller uses Guriang Tujuh. Indonesians are allowed to visit the hamlets in the Inner Baduy area, but for just one day.
Like most Baduy, they are not allowed to visit the sacred places there. Until now anthropological fieldwork that includes participant observation for just over a year and hence allowing to follow the whole agricultural cycle, has been impossible. The restrictions with respect to the duration and place of the fieldwork have been reported by several authors.
However, like previous foreign visitors, he was not allowed to witness any important ritual or ceremony Berthe : — Also Bakels : , footnote 12 reports that she had never been able to attend a circumcision ritual, although she could take part in a marriage celebration. Suryadi : 14 remarks that, permission to enter the Baduy area does not mean that you may go everywhere by yourself and look around and attend ceremonies. He had to wait for a long time to get permission to do some fieldwork in December , together with members of the Anthropology Department of Pajajaran University in Bandung.
Garna : viii mentioned that his field research took him 14 years and that he used the participant observation method during his fieldwork Garna : 11— When starting to tell an epic narrative pantun story , Baduy storytellers will ask forgiveness from the gods in the sung opening rajah , because they will be revealing sacred knowledge of the past. Hence several Indonesian authors who wrote about the Baduy started their publication by asking forgiveness for revealing Baduy knowledge; see for instance, Garna : 5 , Djatisunda : vi , Hamidimadja : v.
My knowledge of the socio-economic position of the Baduy was limited at that time, as until then I had very much concentrated on understanding, recording and filming musical activities.
I became more aware of the complicated relation between the Baduy indigenous group and the outside world, and the Indonesian authorities in particular. I reported on this in two articles Van Zanten : —; : — It also made me understand that the willingness of the Baduy authorities to let outsiders stay with them, for instance for doing research, also depends on the general socio-political situation of that time. In the earlier years of my research the use of my documentation apparatus, like photo camera, audio recorder and film camera, was sometimes restricted.
Van Zanten : The wood chalet-style cabin where Mike and Jennifer Petersen lived — built by Ms. Petersen, who remembers driving through the fire to escape, with Ms. Petersen and their sons, who were 18 and Petersen, who manages a hardware store, one of the few surviving businesses in town, said he wanted …. Debates have erupted surrounding the notion of defunding the police , a phrase that has caused splits in opinion across the U. Memorial in Washington in October, Reuters reported.
In a September statement, Biden spoke of taking executive action on police …. Meghan Markle's estranged father says she 'deceived' people by claiming she had not giving authorisation to a senior aide to brief the authors of her biography. Thomas Markle slammed his daughter following revelations from her then press secretary Jason Knauf that she was aware about the book Finding Freedom.
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